


If We Never Said Goodbye

by Shazzam



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Deckerstar - Freeform, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Work In Progress, post 4x10
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2020-05-20 23:00:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19386241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shazzam/pseuds/Shazzam
Summary: What if Chloe had been able to convince Lucifer to stay at the end of 4x10?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So much love to my amazing friend and beta kay_kat who always encourages me to never give up! And who continues to put up with my fleeting bouts of indecision.
> 
> Feel free to come find me on Twitter! @marellehobbs

**_"I can't lose you. I won't survive, and that's your fault._ **

**_You made me love you. ** _You made me let you in…"_**_ **

                                                 -Gūfrãñ Ăhmąđ Rãzã

 

* * *

 

 

"Please don't go," she chokes up, her eyes brimming with tears. "I-- I love you." Staring up into the infinite depths of Lucifer's eyes, Chloe nervously licks her lips when he doesn't immediately reply, the words she should have said long ago, hanging in the space between them.

" _I_ _love you_ …" she says again, willing her voice to steady, desperate for him to believe her, to know that she accepts him, all of him, that he's hers and she's his and that the thought of losing him tears her apart. " _Please…_ don't leave." _Don't make me live without you._ Chloe silently begs him, tears flooding her eyes as she struggles to imagine the rest of her life without the beautiful man standing before her.  

At Chloe's confession, Lucifer seems momentarily shocked, but it lasts only seconds before a small smile, tinged with sadness tugs at the corners of his mouth.  

"You see," he says, taking a step towards her, his face a mix of wonderment and grief, "we were wrong about something else in the prophecy." He reaches out with one hand, gently cupping her face, his thumb brushing over the tear stains on her cheek. "My first love was never Eve. It was you, Chloe. It always has been." Drawing her into him, Lucifer doesn't hesitate to lower his lips to hers. Her immediate spike of desire is quickly followed by an overwhelming sense of coming home. _This,_ the taste of him, is what she's been missing over the last few months. Time that they've spent trying to find their way back to one another. His kiss is gentle, yet insistent; his lips slanting over hers, his other hand coming up to cradle her face on both sides. Chloe can't help but want him closer, lifting her hands to place them on either side of his face as well, his stubble rough under her fingertips. 

She only opens her eyes to look up at him when he breaks the kiss, his face a startling mask of what she can only describe as painful regret. He starts to back away from her, one hand still trailing along her jaw before slipping off the point of her chin. She catches it as it drops, her chest flooding with panicked realization. _He's leaving now! No, no, no! He can't! Not yet!_  

As he continues to step away physically, Chloe can feel him pulling away emotionally as well; detaching himself from the reality of having to leave this life behind, of having to leave _her_ behind. Their fingers are barely touching now, and she knows she needs to do something before losing him completely, so she steps forward, quickly seizing his hand, her fingers squeezing tightly to stay him. "No." She says firmly, looking up into his eyes to see them wide with genuine surprise. "I will _not_ say goodbye. And neither will you. Not tonight. Not after everything we've just been through." 

Lucifer sighs. "Chloe--" he starts, but she cuts him off. 

"No, Lucifer." She looks up at him with fierce determination, tears pooling in her eyes. "You have to go back. I _know_ , but…" She pauses, closing her eyes as she draws in a rush of cold night air. " _Please."_ She all but begs. "Stay… I-- I need you… just a little while longer. I can't lose you… not yet."

Lucifers gaze drops to the floor at her feet as he shakes his head, releasing a heavy sigh. "I've never been able to deny you. Even when everything inside me tells me I must go, you have the power to stay me, the very King of Hell, with one simple request." He lifts his head, his dark eyes meeting hers once again as he gently tugs on her hand, pulling her unexpectedly off balance. She stumbles into him, her arms instinctively wrapping around his waist to catch her fall. He envelopes her in a strong embrace, holding her to him tightly before he lifts a hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. As she gazes up at him, a look akin to torment flits across his face, but is gone in an instant, leaving her to wonder if she had even seen it at all. Lucifer stares down at her in silence, his eyes taking in all the features of her face before he drops his head, capturing her lips with his. 

She's completely caught off guard; this kiss instantly so very different from the one they shared only moments ago. His plush lips move over hers with unrestrained desperation as his hands shoot up, curving around her face. He towers over her, arching her back as he deepens the kiss, his warm tongue slipping between her parted lips and into her mouth. Chloe moans softly at the sudden, but very welcome, taste of him; her hands twisting into the fabric of his jacket, urging him for more. But just as suddenly as he started, Lucifer unexpectedly breaks the kiss, giving Chloe a light peck before dropping his forehead to rest against hers. 

His short, gasping breaths are warm against her face. A sharp contrast to the cool night air that surrounds them. She too struggles to slow her racing heart, his gratifying ravishment of her mouth having awakened her undeniable need for more of him.  

"Lucifer?" She whispers to him, her eyes opening to find his are still closed. 

"I'm sorry," he says, finally returning her gaze as he lifts his head. Chloe can see that his pupils are blown wide with desire. _He wants me just as much as I want him._

"Why did you stop?" She asks, confused by his sudden bout of self restraint.

"You must be cold." He replies, suddenly rubbing his hands vigorously up and down her arms in an awkward attempt to deflect her question. "Let's get you inside, hmm?" 

Chloe narrows her eyes, but doesn't protest when he takes her hand and leads her back inside the Penthouse. She actually _is_ feeling a little cold. Taking her over to the couch, he urges her to sit down before picking up his cell phone from the side table. 

"Are you hungry? I could order us some food," he says, smiling far too brightly. "Some Chinese… or maybe some pizza?"

Chloe frowns. His overly cheerful attitude seems forced and it makes her uneasy. "No, thank you. I'm not hungry"

"A drink then!" He quickly crosses over to the bar, reaching up to bring down what she's sure is a brand of top shelf Scotch, the cost of which is likely more than her entire months salary. 

"Lucifer," she calls out in exasperation, halting him mid pour as he looks up to regard her. "I don't want a drink, I don't want food, I don't want _anything,_ ok? I just want _you_."

His shoulders seem to tense at her words, and she can't understand why he seems so painfully on edge. Is he really that concerned with going back to Hell as soon as he can? _He's already been here for years,_ she thinks. _Surely a few more hours won't make a difference._ His restlessness makes her nervous. Something is wrong, but she doesn't know what. 

"Lucifer, are--" she swallows; a swell of unbidden anxiousness rising within her chest. "Are you… _ok_?" She asks hesitantly. "I mean… I know you need to go back to Hell, and you're worried about the demon rebellion, and I asked you to stay when I should have just let you go, but I couldn't, and--" 

Chloe is startled out of her nervous ramblings when Lucifer is suddenly before her, crouching down to bring his eyes level with hers, his large hands wrapping around her shaking ones, stilling them.

"It's been a difficult day for both of us." His voice is smooth and deep and it relaxes her ever so slightly. "Come on." He stands, pulling her up with him, before dropping her hands, turning to walk away towards his room. "You must be exhausted," he says over his shoulder. "I'll draw you a warm bath." She follows him, huffing in renewed frustration as he hops up the stairs and into his room. 

"Actually," Chloe says, just before he enters his bathroom, bringing him to a halt as he turns around to give her a questioning look. "Could we maybe just… cuddle… in your bed?" 

Lucifer frowns slightly as he seems to consider the request. "Cuddle…" he says the word slowly, like he's never heard it before, one eyebrow rising as he looks at her. "Yes. Of course," he finally replies, moving away from the bathroom door and over to the side of his bed, his expression once again returning to what can only be described as wary. "If that's what you desire." 

Chloe desperately tries to ignore the feeling of growing apprehension that nags at the back of her mind. Lucifer admitted that it had been a difficult day for them both, so his strange behaviour has to be because he's also feeling the stress of everything that's happened. _He'll be fine once he relaxes a little._ She tells herself, a small smile curving the edges of her lips. _And I think I might be able to help with that._

Lucifer has his back to her as he unbuttons his suit jacket before sliding it off his shoulders, carefully laying it on the end of his bed. Deciding to follow his lead, Chloe shrugs off her jacket as well, tossing it haphazardly onto a nearby chair. She nervously unbuttons her jeans, but he doesn't seem to notice, his focus now directed at the cufflink on his right wrist. Slipping the tight denim over her hips, she wiggles them down to the floor before stepping out of them, kicking them off to the side. Chloe walks softly up behind him, approaching him slowly while lifting the hem of her shirt up and over her head, dropping the garment on the floor. She comes up beside him wearing nothing but her lace bra and matching underwear. He's still fiddling with the second cufflink when she reaches out, her fingers brushing against his. "Here. Let me help." She offers.

Lucifer must have been deep in thought, for he startles the moment she touches him, whipping his gaze up from his wrist where she's deftly undoing his cufflink, to look at her. His eyes darken instantly as they roam over every inch of her exposed skin, lingering on the slight swell of her small breasts. He swallows audibly, wetting his lips before tearing his eyes away and back up to meet hers.

Chloe leans into him, his sharp intake of breath spurring her on as her body rubs up against his. Reaching around behind him to place the cufflink she'd successfully removed on the bedside table, his eyes never leave hers as she then proceeds to tug the tails of his shirt out of his dress pants. She sensually slides her hands under his shirt, brushing against the smooth skin of his waist as she trails her fingers around to undo the buckle of his belt, pulling it free before dropping it to the floor. She's just about to pop open the button of his trousers when Lucifer suddenly grasps both of her hands, gently but firmly pushing them away. 

"Thank you, Darling. I'm sure I can handle the rest," he forces out, his hands attempting to cover the obvious bulge in his pants. "Why don't you rummage through my drawers and find a t-shirt to put on." 

"Oh, um… sure. Ok," Chloe says, turning away from him, her face flushed with embarrassment as she instinctively wraps her arms around her body to cover her state of near nakedness as best she can. She walks over to his dresser, pulling open a drawer in search of a shirt to wear. His rejection stings and she fights back tears as she struggles to understand his change in demeanor from the man who had kissed her with such passion out on the balcony, to the man behind her who now seems intent on keeping his distance. 

Pulling out a plain white tee, Chloe slips it on before removing her bra, dropping her hands to tug hard on the hem of his shirt in an attempt to cover her bottom. She can hear Lucifer shuffling around behind her, and when she finally turns around to face him, he's sitting on his bed, his long legs sprawled out in front of him, his back resting against a mountain of pillows. He's still fully clothed, and she's suddenly very uncomfortable, having no clue as to what it is he wants from her.  

"Should I…." She brushes away a stray tear that slides down her cheek, looking anywhere but directly at him. "Should I put some pants on also?" When he doesn't answer, Chloe hesitantly look over at him to find him staring at her, his dark eyes heavy with regret. He sighs, beckoning her over with a small wave. 

"Come here," he says gently. "It wasn't my intention to upset you. I'm… not myself tonight."

Chloe nods in understanding, walking quietly across the room to his bed. She climbs up, crawling over to sit beside him; careful not to touch him in any way, afraid he might push her away again. 

"I believe you requested cuddling," he says, giving her a smile that doesn't quite hide his look of apprehension. Chloe squeals when he suddenly grabs her waist, lifting her effortlessly before dropping her onto his lap, her knees on either side of his hips. "There, that's much better, yes?" His hands release her hips, sliding down to rest lightly atop her bare thighs. 

"Yes." She says, biting her bottom lip, drowning in the depths of his brown eyes. She starts to wiggle around a bit, attempting to settle into a more comfortable position only to stop abruptly when a hiss escapes from behind Lucifer's parted lips. The sound is intoxicating and Chloe can't help but try to get him to make the sound again. Grinding lightly against him, she's  rewarded with another hiss, louder this time, as his hands slide up to grip her waist, pulling her down against his now very evident, arousal. It's obvious once again that he wants her, she just can't figure out what's holding him back. 

Taking his face into her hands, she leans in close, her lips hovering over his, their breaths mingling together only briefly before she hesitantly presses her lips to his. 

"Chloe," he groans, leaning away from her mouth, his voice a mix of both restrained need and subtle warning.

She pulls back immediately to look at him, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, her chest aching with hurt. "You don't… you don't want me." She states in awkward realization, his words from earlier echoing in her mind. _"It was you, Chloe…"_  It _was._ He had said, not _is._ She's mortified to think that she's obviously read his actions all wrong. He doesn't want to be with her, he only wants a 'no strings attached' romp before he goes back to Hell. Chloe moves to climb off of him, but he stops her, his fingers digging almost painfully into her hips.

Lucifer scoffs, releasing Chloe's waist to lift his hands up, scrubbing over his face before running his fingers through his hair. "I want you more than I have ever wanted anyone in all my life, but you have no idea what you're asking of me!" he says, adding an exasperated, "I'm trying to protect you!"

"Protect me from what… your devil side?” She fires back. "Lucifer, I _told_ you, you don't scare me!" She pauses, watching his face intently as he seems to war with himself. " _Please,_ " she begs him. " _I need you._ "

"Bloody hell," he groans, burying one hand into her hair, tipping her head back with a sharp tug. He nuzzles his nose against Chloe's exposed neck, lightly kissing his way down to her collar bone. _"You're not making this easy for me."_ He mutters, before pulling back to kiss her, instantly nipping at her bottom lip to gain entrance into the welcoming heat of her mouth. She very happily obliges, parting her lips, his tongue slipping in to slide against her own.   

Chloe arches her body around him, burying her fingers into his dark hair, tugging on the strands as he drops his hands, cupping her ass. She moans into his mouth, shamelessly grinding her core against his growing erection as she kisses him _hard._ The friction between her legs is delicious and when she continues to rock against him, Lucifer growls, hastily ripping the pillows out from behind him, throwing them carelessly to the floor before wrapping one solid arm around her waist, flipping her over to lay above her. Lucifer is propped up on his forearms, the lower half of his body pressing her into the soft mattress. His once perfectly styled hair is now completely disheveled, thanks to Chloe's greedy fingers, and a rogue strand, with the smallest hint of a curl, dangles above his brow. Her heart swells with love for him as he looks down at her, his eyes full of desire. She wants him, all of him, and deep down, she knows she always has.

It kills her to think of all the time she wasted after finding out the truth. That her enigmatic partner was, in fact, the Devil. Just as he had always said. And instead of accepting it, accepting _him,_ she abandoned him at a time when he needed her the most. She disappeared for _months_ ; hiding away in a dusty library, pouring over books that she thought would be able to shed light on who, and what, he truly was. When all along, she should have trusted that she already knew everything she needed to. That in the years Chloe had known him, Lucifer had never failed to show her that he was a good man, a partner who always had her back, and her best friend. She didn't need a stack of old books to tell her that. And what's more, it was there in that dusty library, that Chloe became acquainted with Father Kinley, foolishly allowing herself to be convinced that Lucifer was a deadly threat to all of mankind. That the only way to save humanity was to send him, the Devil, back to Hell. And now, here she was, in love with the very same Devil she conspired against. Lucifer had never been a threat to humanity at all, quite the opposite, in fact. He was willing to sacrifice everything to save it, to save _her_. And where she had once believed she'd be strong enough to send him away;  she's now certain she won't ever survive the moment when she's forced to watch him leave. 

Staring up into his dark eyes, Chloe runs the pad of her thumb along the swell of his bottom lip, stopping in the middle. "I don't want you to go," she whispers. "I've only just found you… the _real_ you. I need more time." 

Lucifer gently bites the tip of Chloe's thumb then kisses it before dropping his face down to press a soft kiss to her lips. "Don't think about it," he whispers back, kissing the corner of her mouth as he slowly starts to work his way along her jaw, stopping to nuzzle his nose into the spot just behind her ear. She moans in pleasure, her eyes falling shut, each of his kisses sending tiny electric shocks throughout her entire body. She shivers when he starts to alternate between kissing, and lightly sucking on her neck. 

"Lucifer… _please…_ " Chloe begs, heat pooling between her legs, her body aching for his touch.

"Impatient, are we?" He chuckles, dragging his tongue along her skin as he continues to move down, his teeth nipping at the sharp ridge of her collar bone. 

"We've had _years_ of forepl-- " she begins, only to hiss with surprise, then moan in pleasure when he sucks her nipple into his mouth right through the shirt she's still wearing. 

"What was that, Darling?" He teases, sliding his hand up and under her shirt to rub her other nipple with his thumb.

"Shut up!" Chloe pants, watching Lucifer's eyes darken as he pushes the hem of her shirt up, exposing her breasts to the cool air. Looking up at her through his dark lashes, he never takes his eyes off hers while he licks and sucks each of her bared nipples in turn. Chloe squirms under him, raking her nails over his scalp, the sensation of his tongue flicking over her tight buds causing her to cry out. He stops his ministrations all to soon, the hint of his warm breath tickling her sensitive skin when he lightly runs the tip of his nose from her ribs down to the edge of her lace underwear before moving over to plant a soft kiss on Chloe's right hip.

"You have the most beautiful skin," he murmurs, his lingering kisses torturing her with delicious anticipation. He finally comes to a stop, positioning his face between her thighs, his hands sliding under her knees to grip her hips as his shoulders hold her open for him. "It’s flawless, and so very soft…." Chloe jerks in surprise when Lucifer suddenly bites the inside of her leg, just above her knee; the sharp sting of pain fading as he immediately soothes the spot with a flick of his tongue. "I could spend an eternity exploring every inch of you and still want more." His movements are painfully slow as he continues to plant kisses along the inside of her thigh, each one closer to the place she so desperately needs him the most. Chloe groans in frustration, twisting her fingers into the sheets on his bed, her folds slick with arousal; her body quivering uncontrollably with the need to chase some kind of release. 

"Lucifer-- _Oh, God!_ " She cries out when his hot mouth closes over her core, his arms spreading her knees even further apart as his thumbs rub small circles at the inside creases of her legs. 

"Not, God," he growls playfully, the vibrations tickling her sex. "The Devil, remember?" Chloe can feel when he refocuses his attention, his tongue stroking her through her underwear, his teeth grazing over her clit. Propping herself up on her elbows, she moans at the erotic sight of Lucifer's mass of unruly dark hair bobbing between her legs, then falls back onto the bed, grabbing a handful of it, biting her bottom lip to stifle a scream when he pushes the edge of her underwear over and slowly inserts one long finger deep inside her. He begins to drag it in and out slowly, each time pulling the evidence of her arousal up and around her sensitive nub before slipping back inside. Her impending release is so close, building more and more every time he curls his finger to stroke the soft spot inside her. He increases his pace, Chloe's hips gyrating against his hand, as her walls quiver with anticipation. She's right on the edge of an orgasm when Lucifer suddenly slides his finger out, bringing the rising surge to an abrupt halt.

"Lucifer?! What the h--" her protest turns into a guttural scream when his tongue unexpectedly sinks into her wet heat, his lips sucking on her clit. Chloe climaxes instantly, writhing as wave after wave of intense pleasure threatens to consume her. He continues to suck lightly, wringing every last ounce of pleasure from her that he can before stopping, leaving one last nuzzling kiss on her stomach. 

Chloe's eyes are closed, her breath still coming in short pants when she feels Lucifer move up the bed to lay beside her. When she finally opens her eyes, she turns her head to look at him. He's lying on his side, his head propped up on one arm and she rolls her eyes at the huge grin that spreads across his face, showing off that ridiculously skilled mouth of his. As Chloe lays beside him in post orgasmic bliss, she fails at her attempt to stifle a yawn. Lucifer smiles, kissing her on the cheek before rising to hop out of bed. 

"Where are you going?" She asks sleepily, watching him walk over to the bathroom.

"I'll only be a moment," he replies, flicking on the light before disappearing through the door, the sound of running water following shortly after. 

Chloe drifts in and out of sleep, listening to him rummaging around in the bathroom, and true to his word, he returns in no time, climbing back into bed beside her, smelling of peppermint, and wearing nothing but his boxer briefs.

She rolls over, snuggling up against his bare chest, breathing in his scent; the intoxicating blend of smoke, whiskey and… Lucifer. His arms come around her, pulling her into him as tight as he can, like he intends to pull her into his body by sheer force of will. Chloe tilts her head up, kissing the base of his neck. "It's your turn now," she says, bringing his face down to kiss him, pushing him slightly as she tries to roll him onto his back. But he doesn't budge, only squeezes her tighter, tucking her head into the crook of his neck.

"If it's ok with you," he says, his voice thick with emotion, "I'd very much like to just… hold you." 

"The Devil needs a _cuddle,_ does he?" She teases, trying to lighten the sudden change in his mood.

"Yes, please," is all he replies, seemingly not even noticing her attempt at a joke.

"Hey," she pulls back, waiting until he opens his eyes to look at her. "I love you… you know that, right?" 

He's quiet for a moment before answering. "It's the one thing I'll never forget." 

"Good," she smiles, snuggling back into his chest as she drifts off to sleep in his arms.

***

Chloe wakes the next morning, groggy from the need for more sleep, to the unfamiliar sound of heavy rain hitting the roof of the Penthouse. Her whole body shivers involuntarily, but it's not from being cold… something doesn't feel right. She rolls over, searching for the comfort of Lucifer's arms, but the space beside her is empty and cold. Sitting up, the blankets falling down around her waist, she looks over to see a single sheet of note paper, folded in half, resting on top of Lucifer's pillow. Reaching over to pick it up, Chloe carefully unfolds it, immediately recognizing Lucifer's unmistakable flowing script. The ink is smeared by a single splash mark, but the writing is still legible, and a heart wrenching sob tears up from deep inside her chest as she reads the three little words he left behind… 

 

_Please, forgive me._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just couldn't leave it as a one shot and have decided to keep telling this story. It will be a WIP, but don't worry, I know exactly where its going! 
> 
> So grateful for my wonderful friend and beta kay_kat! No idea what I would do without her!

 

**_“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love._ **

**_It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot._ **

**_All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes,_**

**_the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest._ **

**_Grief is just love with no place to go”_ **

                       

                                                      -Jamie Anderson

* * *

 

Lucifer is gone.  

"He didn't even say goodbye," she whispers, crumpling the note he left in the clutches of her hand as her eyes overflow with tears, his behaviour from the night before suddenly all making sense. He knew he had to leave but stayed upon her request, only to disappear while she was deep in sleep, probably in an attempt to make it easier for her. 

Or maybe it was simply to make it easier for himself. 

Sitting in the middle of his enormous bed, she closes her eyes, despair creeping in from every side, when her heart suddenly flutters with a tiny spark of hope. _Or maybe he's only gone to check things out and he'll come back in a few days_. After all, his note didn't say anything about never seeing her again. She lifts the blanket from around her waist and dries her eyes, the tendrils of despair, slowly pulling away. His note of apology wasn't because he was leaving for good… it had to be because he felt bad for not being there when she woke. 

Taking a deep breath, chuckling softly to herself, Chloe shakes off her initial reaction of panic. How could she ever think Lucifer would just leave her like that? Of course he was coming back. He just needed to ensure things were under control down in Hell, and then he'd come home.

Chloe stretches both arms high above her head, releasing the last vestiges of tension from her body. She needs coffee and a hot shower. No doubt it will be a crazy day at work trying to explain all the lifeless bodies left behind at the theatre in the wake of last night's… _whatever_ that was. She couldn't describe it, even if she tried.

She groans as she rises from the bed in search of Lucifer's coffee maker. She's going to need at _least_ three cups if she's going to make it through the mountain of paperwork she's sure already awaits her.

 

***

 

Freshly showered and decently caffeinated, Chloe walks into the precinct a little over an hour later wearing her grubby jeans from the night before and Lucifer's white t-shirt. She briefly thought about running home to change, but didn't want to risk being late for work. And if she's completely honest with herself… she likes that his shirt still smells faintly of him and found she didn't really want to part with it. 

The first to see her coming down the stairs is Dan, making his way back to his desk from the break room with a fresh cup of coffee in one hand and a donut in the other. 

"Hey Chlo," he says casually, meeting her at the bottom of the stairs. "There's donuts in the break room if you want one. Ella brought them in. Said something about it being National Donut Day? I didn't even know that was a thing!" Dan smiles before he takes a bite of his donut, washing it down with a sip of his coffee. "Want some?" he asks, holding the baked good out in front of her. 

"Uh no. I'm good thanks," she says, regarding him curiously as he shrugs and takes another bite, offering her a muffled, "suit yourself," before turning to return to his desk. 

Dan seems completely relaxed and carefree as he sits down in his chair, finishing the last bit of his donut before rifling through a box of what appears to be old case files. In fact, as she looks around, the whole precinct seems to be in its usual state of controlled chaos. It's not at all what she had expected the morning after at least two dozen lifeless bodies should have been discovered. Maybe no one had called it in yet? But that seems highly unlikely.

Turning, Chloe decides to go and talk to Ella. If any bodies _have_ been found, the Forensic Scientist is sure to know about it. She stops briefly at her desk, dropping her purse and her keys off before making her way over to the lab. As Chloe approaches, she can see Ella through the glass windows, nodding her head to the music that drifts out from inside the lab. She smiles, not even bothering to knock before pushing the door open, since it's likely her friend wouldn't hear her over the music anyway.

Entering the Lab, Chloe moves to casually lean against one of the examination tables, her hands clasped loosely in front of her as she patiently waits for her friend to turn around. 

As she watches Ella, who appears deeply focused on whatever bit of evidence is currently under her microscope, Chloe can't help but wonder how her friend would feel to know that she's been working alongside the actual Devil for years. Ella has always professed such strong faith and adoration for the Almighty; an entity that up until recently, Chloe had always seen as nothing but a myth. She almost feels sorry for the plucky forensic scientist and wishes she could shelter her from the earth shattering truth that Lucifer's Dad…  _God_ , is not the benevolent King that people always believe, but is in fact a huge dick. Then again, who knows, maybe Ella would take the news with the same level of grace and unfaltering positivity that she does when faced with any new and unsettling piece of information. No doubt she would say that God simply needed more hugs. Chloe laughs out loud at the thought. She would have to remember to tell Lucifer when he came home. He'd probably get a kick out of it. 

Ella startles at the sound of Chloe's laugh, smashing her elbow on the microscope as she whirls around to face her. 

"Chloe! I didn't hear you come in! What's up?" Ella smiles, rubbing the area on her arm where a large bruise is most likely already forming. 

"Hey Ella, whatcha working on? Anything exciting?" Chloe starts wandering around the lab picking up random items before putting them back down a few steps later. 

"Ugh, I wish! So far no new cases have come in so I'm just looking over old evidence for Dan. Suuuper boring if you ask me." Ella fakes falling asleep before her eyes snap open again. "Hey!" she says with renewed excitement. "Did you grab a donut from the break room? It's National Donut Day!"

"No, not yet. I'll maybe grab one later." Chloe frowns, bringing her hand up to tap one finger against her lips. "You're _sure_ there's been no reports of say… multiple bodies found or…" she trails off, hoping she still sounds somewhat casual. 

"Nope," Ella pops. "Believe me, it's been nothing but a snooze fest since I got here."

"Ok, thanks anyways," Chloe replies, as she makes her way back to the door of the lab. Stopping before she exits she turns around, the door slightly ajar as she holds it open, preparing to leave. "Hey Ella?" Her friend looks up from the file she's writing in, "could you let the Lieutenant know that I'm running out to check on something and that I won't be long? I'd take my phone with me but I forgot to charge it last night."

"Sure. Everything ok?" 

"Mhmm," Chloe nods. "I'll see you later, yeah?" 

"Sure thing!" Ella replies. But before Chloe can get more than a few steps away from the lab, she hears Ella behind her, calling her back. "Chloe wait! What do you want me to tell Lucifer if he shows up while you're out?"

"Oh um," Chloe stops, turning to face her friend again. "He had to go away for a few days so he won't be in this week." 

"Is he ok?" Ella asks, concerned. 

"He's fine," Chloe replies with forced confidence, her posture becoming stiff and guarded. "He just needed to take care of a few things. He'll be back soon." 

"Oh ok… well…" Ella says awkwardly; seemingly picking up on Chloe's change in demeanor, "let me know if you need help with any new cases that might come up while he's gone." 

"Thanks, I will," Chloe says, once again turning to walk away, glad to be done with Ella's questions about Lucifer. 

Chloe can't blame her friend for being concerned. Each time he had disappeared for a few days in the past, Chloe had been left feeling far more than just a little upset. It always caused a momentary rift between her and Lucifer, affecting their working partnership, creating ripples for everyone around them. But Ella didn't know the truth about where Lucifer had gone this time, and Chloe couldn't tell her. It wasn't her secret to reveal. It was probably going to be awkward for a few days, but Ella would see soon enough that Lucifer wasn't the same man who used to run off and leave without explanation. Everything would be fine again once he returned. She didn't really have time to worry about it right now anyway, there was something she needed to do. 

 

***

 

Fifteen minutes later, Chloe eases her cruiser to a stop in front of the old Theatre. She takes a minute to look around, unholstering her weapon as a precaution before exiting her car. The sound of the door closing is a sharp contrast to the quiet that surrounds her. Nothing appears to be out of the ordinary. The building still sits in eerie silence, towering above her, causing a shiver to run up her spine as a slight breeze blows through her hair. The events of the night before replay in her mind. She had been so scared. Scared of losing Lucifer, scared of the hands that clawed at her clothes, pulling her farther away from him, scared of the uncertainty of their future together. But never once had she been scared of him. In fact, she had found his transition from man to the very King of Hell exhilarating. The way his booming voice commanded the many demons surrounding her had caused a swell of pride to spread through her chest. He was truly magnificent in that moment, and she hopes one day he will show her that side of himself again.

She shakes off the memory, bringing herself back to focus on the task at hand as she walks towards the front doors. She takes a deep breath, steeling herself against what she's sure to find when she walks through the doors. A littering of lifeless bodies, scattered across the floor. But at the same time, she's not exactly sure _what_ she will find. Her gut tells her that something isn't adding up, which is why she came to see for herself. Holding her gun with one hand, she lifts the other, pressing down on the handle, expecting the door to be locked. Only it isn't. Instead, it swings open unhindered, a small creak the only sound signalling her presence. 

Despite the brightness of the day, the space within the theatre is gloomy and uninviting and Chloe has to squint to see as she makes her way inside. She silently curses herself for not bringing a flashlight when she trips over something solid, looking down to see an overturned chair instead of a lifeless form like she was expecting. 

It takes her less than five minutes to circle the entire building, finding nothing but empty space. It simultaneously confuses and alarms her. _Where did all the bodies go? Had someone taken them? Was Lucifer responsible for their disappearance?_ Ironically, the lack of bodies makes her uneasy instead of relieved and she hastily exits the building, her mind struggling to come up with an explanation. She's sure the only person who could possibly have any kind of answer is Lucifer. She returns to her car, her detective mind overrun with questions, and as she slides into the driver's seat, she just hopes Lucifer comes home soon and that he isn't gone for too long.

 

***

 

Chloe sits at Linda's kitchen table, a steaming mug of coffee untouched in front of her. 

"So… Lucifer left a week ago… right after everything happened, and you haven't seen or heard from him since?" Linda asks, leaning back in her chair as she sips her tea, a sleeping Charlie nestled in the crook of one arm. "No wonder Maze hasn't been around lately," she adds, more to herself than to Chloe.

"Well, not _right_ after," Chloe replies, curling her hands around her mug, staring down into the dark liquid inside. "We spent the night together first and then…. when I woke the next morning, he was gone." She looks up and across the table at Linda, not missing the hint of pity hiding in the depths of her friend's eyes. She doesn't like that look, it makes her heart clench with uncertainty. "He left a note!" she adds quickly, not sure at this point if she's trying to reassure Linda or herself. 

"Oh?" Linda says, sounding a bit surprised, but not saying anything further. 

Chloe knows that her friend is likely curious to know what was written in the note but is too polite to ask her to share something that is so obviously personal. It's not that she doesn't want to tell Linda; her reluctance has more to do with the fact that she's beginning to wonder if maybe she's been fooling herself this past week, and if that's true, then it means Lucifer really did leave her behind for good.  

"’Please forgive me’," Chloe finally says, dropping her gaze back to her now lukewarm coffee, her voice quiet and slightly pained.

"You don't need to apologize," Linda says softly. "That note is none of my business. I would never ask you to--" 

But Chloe cuts her off before she can finish. "That's all it said. ‘Please forgive me’." She shrugs her shoulders, refusing to meet Linda's eyes, even though she can feel her friends unwavering gaze from across the table. 

"I see," is all her friend replies, awkward silence stretching from seconds to minutes between them before Linda slowly reaches out across the table, offering her hand for Chloe to take if she chooses.

But she doesn't, because she knows what it means. That Linda is about to say something Chloe won't like, something that's going to hurt. She's not sure if she's ready to hear it or if she'd rather remain in what she's starting to realize is symptoms of classic denial; the first stage of the grieving process. She shakes her head. How had she not recognized it sooner? She's a cop for Christ sakes! She's seen the signs a million times when dealing with the family members of homicide victims when they receive news of their loved one's death. Only… Lucifer didn't die. 

He left.

Chloe's eyes fill with angry tears, her heart twisting with the sudden betrayal she feels as she finally accepts the reality that Lucifer had all but abandoned her. _How could he do this to me? How could he leave me without so much as a goodbye? Sneaking away in the night when I was powerless to stop him, leaving nothing more than a stupid note asking for my forgiveness._ _That's supposed to be enough?_

Chloe stands abruptly, nearly toppling the chair she had just been sitting on, her sudden movements startling Charlie awake. She looks up, giving Linda a regretful look as her friend tries to soothe the now crying baby. 

"I'm sorry… Linda… I didn't mean…" Chloe stumbles over her apology; needing more than _anything_ to just leave and be alone with this overwhelming and unexpected surge of anger. Anger towards him for leaving but also towards herself for foolishly believing she somehow meant more to him. "I… I need to go," she chokes out. "I'm sorry… th- thank you for the coffee." 

Chloe rushes to the front door and grabs her jacket from the row of hooks on the wall, frantically searching each pocket for her keys. When she doesn't find them, she throws her jacket to the floor, angrily swiping her tears away. 

"You left them on the table," Linda says quietly, coming up to stand beside Chloe, the keys jingling as she holds them out to her. Thankfully Charlie seems to have settled again and is once again asleep in his mother's arms. 

"I'm worried about you," Linda says, as Chloe takes the keys from her outstretched hand. "I don't know that it's a good idea for you to be driving right now. You seem very upset. Why don't you stay a little while longer and we can talk about how you're feeling. 

"I can't, not right now. I just… need to be alone. I'm sorry." Chloe says, bending down to retrieve her jacket, the black leather creaking as she twists it within her grasp. She doesn't meet Linda's gaze, not wanting to see the pity that she's sure will be there. She turns to leave, her hand turning the knob to open the front door only to be stopped when Linda gently places a hand on her arm. 

"I can't even begin to imagine what you must be feeling, or even thinking right now. And despite the fact that I'm probably crossing a lot of confidentiality lines with what I'm about to tell you, I think Lucifer would be ok with it in this situation." Linda pauses, waiting until Chloe lifts her eyes to look at her before continuing. "You were often a main focus during many of his therapy sessions. He was always wanting to do better, _be_ better, for you. There's no doubt in my mind that he cares deeply for you. And to leave was probably very difficult for him. I truly believe that he would never leave you behind unless he felt he had no other choice. Just… maybe try to consider that he's hurting just as much as I imagine you are right now." Chloe nods in response. But the fact is… in her mind, he _did_ have another choice. He could have stayed. And with her at his side, they would have fought any threat they came up against, together. The number one motto for every good cop, was 'never leave your partner behind.' But he had. And it hurt more than she could have ever possibly imagined. 

"Thanks again for the coffee," Chloe says; opening the front door. She moves as if to leave but instead turns back to throw her arms around Linda, hugging her friend with baby Charlie sandwiched between them. Her chest aches with the effort it takes to hold herself together, but she won't let herself fall apart. Not yet. " _Seriously…_ _thank you_ ," she whispers, her chin resting on Linda's shoulder. Only she's not referring to the coffee this time.

"My door is always open… as a friend, or in a professional capacity. Whatever you might need." Linda says, her one arm wrapped tight around Chloe's back. 

They remain standing there for a few moments in silence. There's really nothing left to say. Chloe finally lets go when she feels Charlie squirming between them; no doubt protesting the sudden intrusion into his sleeping quarters.

She feebly attempts to give her friend what she hopes is a reassuring smile before turning once again to walk out the door. Making her way over to her car, she can feel her fragile composure slowly slipping away. With shaking hands, she fumbles to unlock the door. When she finally manages to open it, she all but throwing herself into the seat; jamming the keys into the ignition to start the engine. She shifts into gear before gripping the steering wheel with such force that her knuckles turn white. And as she pulls away, she glances in her rear-view mirror. Linda is still standing on the front steps watching; the look of pity Chloe had tried so hard to avoid, written all over her face. 

She drives for miles, going nowhere in particular; the lines on the road eventually giving way to gravel. She can barely see, her eyes blurred from tears that haven't stopped falling since she left Linda's. She's desperately trying to outrun the thoughts that ricochet inside her mind, but no matter how far she goes, still they follow her. _He left me. He left me and he's never coming back. That night was the last time I will ever see him. He knew he was going to leave and he didn't even let me say goodbye._

Chloe suddenly swerves onto the shoulder of the dirt road she's on, narrowly missing a tree; the car skidding to a halt as she slams on the brakes. Jamming the car into park, she repeatedly hammers the palms of her hands against the steering wheel, letting out a scream of both anger and agony. 

"You didn't even let me say goodbye! You selfish fucking bastard! You let me fall asleep in your arms, _knowing_ that you were going to leave me behind. How could you do this to me?!" 

She throws open her door, clambering out from the driver's seat before slamming it shut behind her. She paces back and forth, her whole body shaking from the intensity of the anger that consumes all capability for rational thought. Her breaths come in shallow gasps as she loses the last thread of her self control. Coming to an abrupt halt, she throws her head back to release a heart wrenching scream. Clenching her fists at her sides, she can feel the sharp edges of her nails digging into the palms of her hands. Her throat hurts from yelling, but it's nothing compared to the pain of betrayal that's nearly tearing her apart. Falling back against her car, she slumps down to the ground, her back resting against the front tire. Pulling her knees up to her chest, Chloe drops her head, finally allowing herself to truly let go.

The only sound for miles is her sobbing.


	3. Chapter 3

_"_ **_Since the day you left me…_ **

**_I have just learned to live one day at a time_ **

**_with a heartache that has become a part of me."_ **

                                 - Narin Grewal

 

* * *

 

_4 months later._

Her anger towards Lucifer was the hardest for Chloe to let go of. She loved him more than anything, which made his betrayal of leaving her behind that much worse. They were supposed to be partners. At least _she_ had always thought so. Going to work each day without him felt _wrong_. She would often find herself wishing he were there to simply offer his unique insight on a particularly frustrating case, or even spout off one of his ill timed jokes. She would catch herself missing him, the Devil, the man who left her after she told him she loved him, and the anger would come back in full force.

Some days she didn't know if she was more angry with him, with herself, or with God. Yes, he had left her, but had she really given him a reason to stay? She should have trusted him and accepted the truth of who he really was. But instead she had struggled to come to terms with it all, pushing him away and into the arms of Eve. And then when she finally _was_ able to admit that she truly loved him, _all_ _of him_ … he left. And now she would never get the chance to really show him. And why? Because eons ago his Father decided to cast Lucifer out of Heaven and send him to Hell? Sure, maybe God needed him down there… but she needed him _more._ Why did it have to be Lucifer anyway? Hadn't he been punished enough? 

It was these questions that finally allowed Chloe to let go of her anger towards Lucifer. He didn't leave because he wanted to, he left because he _had_ to. Hell needed a King. And Lucifer needed to protect those he cared about. But then who was going to protect him? 

Her need to have him back leaves her feeling almost desperate. Against her objections, the Lieutenant assigned her a new partner, and although Detective Logan is a decent enough guy, he just isn't Lucifer. Logan is young, having only just recently made Detective and does everything by the book. And despite the fact that Chloe isn't partial to bending the rules herself, she admits that Lucifer’s flippant disregard for _human_ laws is something she really misses. Her solve rate has significantly decreased in Lucifer's absence.

Chloe sighs, taking a sip from her mug of black coffee as she sits at her desk mulling over a case they've been working on. Scrunching her nose in distaste, she spits the mouthful of coffee back out, pushing away from her desk to stand up. She _really_ misses the amazing Lattes Lucifer used to bring her every morning. Mug in hand, she looks down at Logan who sits on the opposite side of her desk with the open case file. Her heart gives a sharp pang at the sight of him in Lucifer's chair, as it often does, but she shakes it off. 

"I'm going to go and dump this out and maybe check in with Ella on my way back. See if she has any new information on the case." Chloe pauses, waiting for Logan to jump up with the intent to come with her as Lucifer had always done. But instead he stares down at the file, a muttered "sure thing," his only response.

Shaking her head as she walks away, Chloe forgets all about the mug of stale coffee in her hand and heads straight for the Lab. She finds Ella once again with her face buried in the lens of a microscope, occasionally lifting her head to scribble a few notes before once again returning her focus to whatever she's examining. 

"Hey Ella," Chloe greets her friend. "Got any new information on the vic for me?"

"Hey Chloe." Ella lifts her gaze from her notes. "Gnarly crime scene this morning, huh? _Someone_ ' _s_ gonna have a hefty cleaning bill, am I right? I mean, I'm not squeamish or anything, but to cut off a man's p--" 

"Ella!" Chloe snaps her fingers before crossing her arms. "The victim." 

"Right, sorry," Ella says, looking down at her notes once again. "Well, cause of death was definitely massive blood loss. You know, because his p-- "

"Yes, got it. Anything else?" Chloe interrupts, avoiding the image of what they had discovered that morning after responding to multiple reports of screaming coming from within a residence. 

"My money's on the wife. I'm just running the prints from the murder weapon now, but I'm pretty sure that's who you're looking for." 

"Ok, thanks Ella. Great work," Chloe says, lingering, making no move to get back to looking for the suspect. She swallows, her nerves rising as she goes over the question in her head that she wants to ask, but isn't sure she should. 

"Did you need something else?" Ella asks, noticing that Chloe hasn't left yet. 

"Nope," she says quickly, then sighs, "actually yes." Ella nods, waiting for Chloe to continue. "Do you… do you think God would listen to someone who had never believed in Him their entire life? Like…" she clears her throat awkwardly, "is there a special way to pray for beginners or… would someone have to actually attend some sort of Church in order to be in a position to ask God for a favor?"

"Wow. Ok, um… didn't see that question coming,” Ella says, letting out a huff of surprise.  

"Sorry," Chloe's face flushes with embarrassment. "Forget I said anything. It was a stupid idea on my part anyways." Still clutching the coffee cup, she turns to leave. 

"Chloe, wait!" Ella stops her before she reaches the door. "Are you… ok? I know you keep telling me that you are... it's just… you've never taken an interest in the Big Guy before. I know it's been hard for you… with, you know… Lucifer leaving and then cutting off all contact with anyone." Chloe's eyes well up at the sound of his name. "I just… if you're hoping God will somehow tell him to come back or something…" Ella trails off. 

"Like I said," Chloe swallows, trying to keep her emotions in check, "it was a stupid idea."

Just then, the lab door pops open and Detective Logan's blonde head pokes in. "Hey Chloe, the wife just turned herself in. She's in the interrogation room. The Lieutenant wants you in there." 

"Sure, ok…. Just give me a minute. I'll be right there." Chloe says to him before turning back to Ella. "Thanks for the talk. I know I've been all over the place these last few months, but I promise… I'm doing ok…. Lucifer made his choice. I just… need to accept that he's done with m-- with us. It was a moment of weakness on my part, that's all." Ella doesn't look convinced. "Anyway, I better get back to work. I'll talk to you later."

Chloe leaves a concerned looking Ella behind and makes her way over to the interrogation room, forcing her head back into detective mode. Walking in, she closes the door behind her, and crosses the few steps over to a chair to sit down. She's still holding that blasted cup of old coffee, but it's too late to dispose of it now. She sets it down on the metal table in front of her and leans back in her chair. Her hands are folded casually in her lap as she takes in the woman in cuffs on the other side of the table. The wife is still covered in blood spatter with smears on her clothes where it appears she's tried to wipe her hands clean. Her hair is disheveled, and she's staring down at her cuffed hands with a look of great remorse. 

Logan slides the case file over and Chloe leans forward to open it, taking a deep breath before she begins. "Mrs. Adams," she reads the name from the file. "Can you tell me how you ended up with blood all over your face and clothes?" 

The woman furrows her eyebrows with sadness. "It's like I told the officer at the front desk. I… cut my husband's dick off. I feel terrible about it," she looks up at Chloe, "I hope he's ok." 

"I'm sorry to have to tell you, but your husband is dead. He bled out after you fled the scene." Logan informs her.

"What?!" The woman's face pales, her eyes blowing wide with shock. "Oh God!" she cries, dropping her head to rest awkwardly atop her cuffed hands. "Jerry! Oh baby, I'm so sorry!" she bawls. "I didn't mean it! I swear I didn't mean it!"

"You didn't mean to dismember your husband?" Chloe asks, confusion coloring her voice.

"When I came home and confronted him with his infidelity, it was with the intention that we would go to counselling and work it out, but he just laughed and told me he wasn't going to stop, that he was going to leave me. He said I didn't satisfy him anymore." 

"So you cut off his-- so you dismembered him," Chloe states. 

"No! I mean yes! But it wasn't really me! A blackness came over me!" 

"A blackness came over you," Chloe tries not to roll her eyes. "And where exactly did this 'blackness' come from?" she asks, her frustration rising. 

"I don't know! I… I couldn't control myself!" The woman's eyes are wide with panic at the sudden realization of what her husband's death at her hand will mean for her. She looks back and forth between Logan and Chloe, her voice rising with desperation. "It… it was the Devil!" she throws at them. "It must have been! He possessed me and made me do it!"

Chloe stands up, startling the suspect as she slams her hands down on the table, her coffee cup rattling against the metal. "Are you kidding me?! The _Devil_ made you do it? Are you seriously going to go with that line?" Chloe's eyes are suddenly full of barely restrained furry. "Let me tell you something lady… the Devil is more likely to suggest a threesome than tell you to cut someone's dick off! Chloe can hear Logan snickering beside her, but his laughter slowly fades as she continues. "Lucifer is good! He's a good man! He doesn't make people do horrible things, and yet he always gets blamed! It isn't fair! Why should he get punished for all of humanities atrocities when all he really wants is to be with the people he cares about, the people who love him!" Chloe leans across the table and jabs her pointed finger into the woman's chest, hard enough to bruise her. "It’s you! You're who's to blame for your husband's death! Not the Devil! You killed him and then left him there to die all alone. With no one to love him! No one to protect him! All because you couldn't accept him for who he truly was!" She stares the woman down, her body shaking with anger. She jerks her arm away when Logan tries to get her attention. "It's no wonder why he left you!" she spits. 

Chloe opens her mouth to continue, but before she can say anything else, the interrogation room door opens, the booming voice of the Lieutenant putting an immediate end to her tirade. "Detective Decker! My office. Now!"

She comes back to herself with the sharp command, furrowing her eyebrows, as she sees that the suspect is crying with her hands over her face on the other side of the table. _What the hell was I thinking? I've never yelled at a suspect before._ She looks around to see Dan standing just inside the door. He looks worried. _When did he come into the room?_ She wonders. 

"Decker!" The Lieutenant yells from his office. 

"You better go, Chlo," Dan urges gently, then, looking past her to Logan says, "Make sure Mrs. Adams is ok before you return her to the holding cells." 

"Of course," Logan replies quietly. 

Chloe can't bring herself to look Logan in the eye, afraid of what she might see on her partner's face. Turning her back to him, she walks quietly out the door, slipping past Dan to make the short trip across the precinct to the Lieutenant’s office.

"Close the door behind you and have a seat," he says, taking his own seat in the big chair behind his desk. "Now," he begins once Chloe has sat down, anger leeching into his voice. "You want to tell me what the hell just happened in there?" He points to the interrogation room doors. 

"I'm sorry, Sir. It won't ever happen again. There's no excuse for my behaviour." She looks down at her lap, twisting her fingers together. 

It's silent for a moment before the Lieutenant finally sighs, his voice calm and steady once more. "Chloe, you're my best Detective. Even with a new partner, you still maintain a much higher closing rate than anyone else. But your behaviour over the last few months has been very uncharacteristic for you. You've shown up late for work looking like you haven't slept, you're agitated and distracted… I know changing partners was hard on you. I've heard how close you and Mr. Morningstar had become. I looked the other way for as long as I could, hoping you just needed time to adjust. But you've just assaulted a suspect and I have no choice now but to take action." 

Chloe quickly lifts her head up to look at him, dread setting heavily in the pit of her stomach. "You're suspending me," she breathes.

"I am," he confirms. "Effective immediately. I'm sorry, but I'm going to need your badge and your gun. They will be returned to you once--"

"I know the drill," she cuts him off, removing her gun and holster, placing it on his desk before handing him her badge. She clenches her teeth as she fights back tears of shame, glad that her Father can't see her now, wishing the Lieutenant would just dismiss her so she can get out of here.

"This isn't a punishment, Chloe," he says instead. "Think of it more like a vacation. Take some time for yourself to recharge and work through whatever it is you've got going on."

Chloe scoffs at his suggestion but doesn't reply, simply nodding her head in an effort to appease him. _Sure,_ she thinks. _I'll just 'work through' the fact that I'm in love with the literal King of Hell, who left me without saying goodbye, and who I'm never going to see again. No big deal, right?_

A few minutes pass in silence, and he must pick up on her desire for escape when she turns to look longingly at the door. Sighing once again, he stands and moves around to lean against the front of his desk, his hands tucked loosely into his pants pockets. "Do you have a counsellor that you are already acquainted with or would you like me to connect you with one? You'll need them to sign off before you can return to work."

"I have someone," Chloe says quietly, a single tear slipping down her cheek. _Please just let me go!_

"Alright, well… you're free to go then," he finally dismisses her.

Chloe turns to leave, dreading all the stares she sure to get from her colleagues when she leaves the precinct in the middle of a shift without her badge or her gun. She can't even begin to imagine what kind of rumours her suspension is going to generate. It will be like Palmetto all over again. She takes a deep breath, composing herself before opening the door. _You can do this. Just go over to your desk, grab your purse and your keys and walk out._

As soon as she exits the office, Dan is there; falling into step beside her as she crosses over to her desk. "Hey, what did the Lieutenant say? Is everything ok?" His face morphs into confusion when she doesn't answer, but simply shrugs on her jacket before picking up her purse. With keys in hand she starts to walk away, but Dan stops her from behind with a hand on her shoulder. "Chloe? What's going on?" 

Turning around to face her ex husband, tears pool in her eyes and she can't help but fidget with her keys as she fills him in. "I've um… been suspended. Effective immediately."

"Wow, ok, for how long?" 

"I don't know," she shrugs lightly. "I need to see a Counsellor and have them sign off before I can return to work."

"Oh man, I'm sorry Chlo," he sighs. "I know things have been different since Lucifer left," Dan grits out the name, his fists clenching in anger. "I'm still so pissed at him for disappearing on you. If he ever shows his face here again I'll--" 

"Can you take Trixie for a few days?" Chloe cuts him off. She can already feel the stares from other officers moving around them and she doesn't want to draw more attention. And she doesn't want to think about Lucifer right now. She just wants to go home.

"Oh, um yeah of course," Dan says, his voice softening once again. "Whatever you need." 

"Thank you," she says, grateful that she and Dan can still maintain such a close friendship for their daughter’s sake. "I'll check in with you later to say goodnight to Trix. Right now I just need to get out of here." 

Dan nods. "I understand. Let me know if there's anything else I can do, ok?" 

"I will." Chloe turns, leaving Dan behind as she heads stealthily for the side exit. It's not the fastest way to the parking lot, but she really doesn't want to stop and talk to anyone else.

When she reaches her car, she opens the door and slides in; tossing her purse onto the passenger seat. Leaning her forehead against the steering wheel, she takes a breath and finally allows the tears she's been holding back to fall. It's been hard enough to keep herself distracted with work so that she doesn't have to constantly think about Lucifer. What will she do now with nothing but free time? She can’t believe she got herself suspended. Her Father would be so disappointed in her. How could she have lost it on a suspect like that? 

Smudging her makeup as she wipes her tears away, she sits up and reaches over to dig around in her purse for her cell phone. Pushing the button to light up the screen, she types in her password and brings up the call log, scrolling through until she finds the number she needs. Pressing send, she holds the phone up to her ear and waits. After three rings, she hears the familiar, comforting voice. _"Chloe! I'm so glad you called. How are you?"_

"Hey Linda," Chloe answers, still sniffling. "I'm sorry to bother you… I just…" she sighs, pausing. 

_"Chloe? Is something wrong? You sound upset."_

"I called because--" she sniffles, her breaths shaky and uneven. "Because I wanted to know if you meant what you said a while back about your door always being open?"

" _Yes of course! Would you like to come over for coffee again some time this week?"_

"Actually," Chloe swallows. "Can we meet at your office this time? I… I think I need some help." 

 

***

 

"Great work today, Greg. I'll see you next week," Linda says as a stocky, middle aged man with light colored hair exits her office. He walks past where Chloe sits, waiting for her own appointment. Once the man has gone, she stands, looking over to see her friend smiling softly at her. 

"Come on in," Linda turns, disappearing into her office.

Chloe follows her through the open door, closing it behind her before moving to take a seat on the couch opposite where Linda has just sat down, the coffee table, complete with water jug and glass, sitting between them. This is her third official session; the first one having been two weeks ago. The day after she was suspended. 

"I must say, you look much better today than you did when you came in last week," Linda smiles. "How are you feeling? Were you able to take some time as I suggested, and really look at why you may have reacted the way you did when interviewing your suspect?"

Chloe nods, laughing lightly at herself. "Yeah, that was a pretty weird day. I really think I was over tired and that woman was just so crazy, you know? I mean, _the Devil made her do it,_ really?" She laughs again. "Like I haven't heard _that_ one before."

"It must be frustrating when a suspect that you already know is guilty, won't admit to their involvement in the crime."

"It is, but they almost always try to blame someone or something else in a last ditch effort to avoid incarceration. So I'm always prepared for it. I just didn't expect the whole 'blame the Devil' cop out. I mean seriously, when does that ever work?" Chloe reaches for the water jug, lifting it to pour herself a glass of water. 

"Lucifer." 

"W-what?" Chloe abruptly shifts her gaze away from pouring the water to look at Linda. 

"You keep saying 'the Devil'. But in this case, for you, the Devil isn't just some biblical creature you learn about in Sunday School. He's someone you know… someone you… love."

Chloe shifts uncomfortably as she slowly sets the jug back down on the table. Her easy going demeanor from minutes ago is gone and she wrings her hands together on her lap in an attempt to dispel the dread that claws at the pit of her stomach. "I don't want to talk about him," she says, her voice small and unsteady. "I just want to deal with the incident at work so I can get cleared to return to duty."

"Chloe--"

"What happened had nothing to do with him. I was frustrated that the suspect wouldn't own up to the crime, like you said. I just got a bit carried away, that's all. I was just tired. I've had a chance to catch up on some sleep this week and I'm feeling much better. So if you wouldn't mind signing whatever paper you need to, then I can take it to the Lieutenant and get back to work."

"How long has it been?" Linda asks. 

Chloe closes her eyes against the burning sensation that threatens the onslaught of unwanted tears. She shakes her head, refusing to acknowledge Linda's question. 

"How long has it been since Lucifer left in the middle of the night?" Linda asks again, her voice soft and full of patient understanding.

Chloe bites her bottom lip, stifling a small sob, the memory of the last time she saw him, flooding her mind. "He's coming back," she chokes out, desperately willing her words to be true, for Linda to agree with her. "He's coming back, because I need him to." Another little sob escapes and she throws up her hand to cover her mouth in a desperate attempt to hold them in, her closed eyes doing nothing to stop the flood of tears that can't be kept at bay any longer. When Chloe finally looks up, her glassy eyes settle on the face of her friend. _"I need him to come back."_ she whispers, before covering her face with both of her hands as she cries over what she's afraid to admit, will never happen. 

 

***

 

"Jesus, Chloe," a familiar voice huffs out in concern. "What were you thinking?" 

Chloe groans, the edge of her bed dipping as whoever it is, _Dan_ she thinks, settles their weight onto the space beside where she lays. Her head is pounding, and she buries her face into her pillow in a desperate attempt to block out the bright sunlight that filters through her bedroom window. 

A warm hand comes to rest on her back and she turns her head to see Dan sitting on the edge of her bed, looking down at her. 

"Hey," she says groggily. "What are you doing here? What time is it?" 

"Its just after ten-thirty." 

Chloe pushes up from where she lays, nausea instantly rolling through her stomach at the sudden movement. The room spins momentarily and she drops back down onto her pillow. "Trixie," she groans. "I need to get Trixie to school." 

"She stayed at my place last night, remember? I took her to school before coming over to check on you." 

Chloe sighs with relief. "Right, sorry, I wasn't thinking." She lays there for a minute with her eyes closed, Dan's words slowly breaking through the thickness of her sluggish mind. Sitting up slowly this time, she looks at her ex, her eyes empty and dull. "Well, as you can see, I'm fine so...." 

"You had an appointment with Linda this morning at nine. She tried calling you, but you didn't answer. She says she hasn't heard from you in weeks. She got worried when you didn't return her calls, so she contacted me to see if I had talked to you. And when I tried calling, there was still no answer, so I came over."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to worry you guys," she says flatly, reaching over to grab her cell phone. But it's not on the nightstand where she usually keeps it. Searching the bed, she finally finds it twisted up in the sheets, lighting up the screen to see multiple missed calls from both Linda and Dan. "I must have put my phone on silent last night. I didn't hear it ringing." 

Just then her phone begins to vibrate, the shrill sound of her ringtone, echoing off her bedroom walls. Linda's name pops up on the screen and Chloe quickly swipes 'ignore' to silence the call.

Dan frowns. "Do you think the mostly empty wine glass on the coffee table downstairs, and the spilled bottle of sleeping pills there on your nightstand have anything to do with your not hearing the multiple phone calls this morning?" 

Chloe looks down, turning her phone over in her hands. She had been sitting alone in the dark late last night, sipping on a glass of wine, hoping it would help her relax enough to fall asleep. She had spent the majority of the day trying not to think about Lucifer and had failed miserably. Hence the half empty glass of wine still sitting downstairs. 

Partway through the bottle, she vaguely remembers staring at Lucifer’s contact information on her phone before hitting send. She'd nearly been torn in two when his voice came over the line saying he was 'otherwise engaged' and to leave a message which he would return when he was able. She had then tortured herself by calling his number again and again, simply to hear the sound of his voice. Eventually she had stumbled up the stairs, her eyes swollen and sore from crying and had rummaged through the medicine cabinet looking for some Advil when she found an old bottle of sleeping pills instead. Chloe doesn't remember bringing them back to the bedroom with her, let alone taking any, but she must have. It would certainly explain why she didn't hear her phone ringing this morning. 

"Chloe," Dan says, pulling her from her thoughts, his hand closing over both of hers. "What's going on with you? You know it's dangerous to mix alcohol and sleeping pills." 

"I know," she nods, still looking down at where Dan's hand encompasses hers. "Honestly I don't even remember taking them."

"I'm worried about you. You haven't been yourself in months. You don't seem to want to get back to work. You've pulled away from all your friends. When was the last time you even had a shower? Ever since Lucifer left, you've been slowly falling apart. I get that you miss him Chlo, I know you care about him, but--" 

"I don't just care about him, Dan. I love him." 

Dan sighs. "He left, Chloe. And none of us have heard from him since. That was eight months ago… I'm sorry, but… maybe you need to accept that he isn't coming back. You can't keep going like this. It's like… it's like you don't want to live anymore." 

She doesn't say anything to that. It's not that she doesn't want to live… she's just not sure how to anymore. How is she supposed to wake up every day knowing that he's alive but that she can never see him?

"I don't know how to let him go," she whispers. "I don't know how to move on."

"So let us help you, Chlo. We need you. Trixie needs you. Let's work together, ok?"

Chloe takes a moment to close her eyes before answering, bringing the memory of Lucifer's smiling face into the forefront of her mind. She holds it there for a moment, lingering on all the little features that make him, him before his image slowly drifts away like smoke; knowing that no matter how much it hurts, it's time to let him go. 

Opening her eyes, she looks up at Dan, her heart shattering into a million little pieces. 

"Ok," is all she says. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is finally here! Sorry it took so long to update. Life got a little crazy there for awhile. Thank you for your patience :)

 

**_"You are at once both the quiet_ **

**_and the confusion of my heart."_**

                           -Franz Kafka

 

Lucifer stands hidden amongst a copse of trees on the opposite side of the street from Trixie's school. He watches as the little girl bursts through the front doors and down the steps into her mother's outstretched arms. There are countless other parents and children milling around outside the building, eager to go home, but they might as well not be there at all. Lucifer sees nothing but Chloe and Trixie. They look… happy. He's not sure how that makes him feel. 

 

It's been just over a year now, here on Earth anyway, since he all but disappeared from their lives. And as he drinks in the sight of them, he fleetingly wonders what Chloe would have told the little urchin about his sudden absence all those months ago. He longs to close the distance between them and take Chloe into his arms. He imagines holding her tight against his chest as Trixie wraps herself around his waist. 

 

He misses them desperately. 

 

It had taken him less than a month of being back in Hell to find he wasn't able to withstand the constant overwhelming need to ensure that Chloe was ok. He'd been able to convince himself that a visit to Earth would do no harm as long as no one ever saw him. Just a quick trip to check up on her and then he'd pop right back down. Which is exactly what he did. 

 

The first time anyway. 

 

Over the weeks and months that followed, his trips to Earth, meant only to be brief, had gotten progressively longer and more frequent. He just needed to see her; needed to know that she lived and breathed, even if he could never be with her. It was the only thing that kept him from going insane. And the only way he was able to measure the passage of time. A year on Earth was nothing short of an eternity in Hell. 

 

Still sheltered amongst the trees, Lucifer watches as Chloe opens the car door for Trixie, closing it again once the little girl is safely inside the back seat. Opening her own door, she moves to climb into the driver's seat only to stop half in and half out of the vehicle. His heart begins to race as she turns, almost instinctively, to look over towards the trees in which he hides. He holds his breath, hoping she doesn't see him... hoping she does. 

 

After a few moments Chloe looks down, shaking her head slightly as if chastising herself before sliding in behind the wheel. Closing the door, she starts the engine before slowly pulling away from the curb. Lucifer watches her tail lights until they disappear into the ever moving flow of L.A. traffic. Sighing, he rubs the palm of his hand over his chest in a feeble attempt to ease the ache of loneliness that comes every time he prepares to leave Earth once again.

 

Stalling his return to Hell for as long as he can, he pulls a cigarette out of the carton in the breast pocket of his jacket. Smoking still being one of the guilty pleasures he partakes in every time he comes topside. Placing the end in his mouth, he lightly holds it between his lips as he pats down the rest of his pockets in search of his lighter. Cursing under his breath when he finds them empty, he looks down; gently shuffling the debris under the trees with the toe of his shoe in the unlikely event that it had fallen out somehow. Distracted, he doesn't notice the approach of another person from behind until the sound of their voice startles him. 

 

"You just can't stay away, can you brother?"

 

Lucifer whirls around, the cigarette dropping out of his mouth, to the ground; the search for his lighter forgotten. "Michael. What are you doing here?" he asks warily, aware that his brother rarely makes an appearance without an underlying motive. 

 

"I might be inclined to ask you the same if I didn't already know the answer," Michael replies, his stance non threatening; his tone anything but. "She's quite something isn't she, that Detective of yours. I've been watching her… and you, for the past year."

 

"What do you mean, _watching her_?" Lucifer narrows his eyes, a tiny flicker of fire from within betraying his displeasure.

 

"Come now, Sam. Surely you must have known that I would be curious about the only human capable of bringing my brother, the Devil, to heel." Michaels smirks.

 

"That's not my name anymore," Lucifer grinds out, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. 

 

Ignoring his brother's obvious agitation, Michael continues. "I didn't understand the appeal at first… she is a mere human after all." He casually clasps his hands behind his back, gazing up at the canopy of the trees as he rocks back and forth on his heels; seemingly lost in his own thoughts. "But the more time I spent watching her, the more I understood." He looks back down at Lucifer, his pale eyes locking onto the contrasting dark of his brother's. "As a Detective, she's almost fearless in her pursuit of justice. She's fierce and determined, using her intellect to best the miscreants of this world. With her friends, her family, even that _Detective Douche_ as you _apparently_ used to call him… she's loyal and selfless. And then at home, with the child, she's gentle and patient and… loving…" he pauses, his head slowly tilting to one side. Lucifer watches as his brothers expression shifts; his lips curling up into a malicious grin. "I must admit, I've always found the greatest pleasure in watching her at night while she sleeps. Did you know that for weeks after you left, she would cry out in her sleep, begging you not to leave?"

 

At his brothers words, Lucifer growls; stepping towards Michael, his eyes a sudden blazing red.

 

"Ah, ah, ah, Sammy," Michael says, grinning as he shakes his finger at Lucifer’s advance. "You wouldn't want to draw any undue attention now, would you?"

 

Lucifer's eyes fade back to his normal deep brown as he stops to look around, noticing that they've managed to pique the curiosity of a few parents who are still waiting around to pick up their kids. Undoubtedly, two men arguing whilst hiding amongst a cluster of trees right across from a schoolyard, looks suspicious. He needs to get Michael, and himself, out of here before someone calls the LAPD. 

 

"Go home… _brother_ ," Lucifer sneers. "And stay away from the Detective." 

 

"I'm afraid I can't do that," Michael replies calmly. "You belong in Hell, Sam, not here on Earth. And as long as Chloe Decker lives, you'll never stay where you're supposed to. She must die and return to the Silver City where she will finally be out of your reach. It's the only solution."

 

Uncaring of any who may be watching, Lucifer instantly shifts his features into the charred flesh and hellfire eyes of his Devil form. "If you so much as look at her the wrong way," he growls, "I'll--"

 

"You'll what, kill me?" Michael laughs. "You possess no celestial weaponry capable of such a feat. And besides, I've got nothing but time on my side. Even if you stay here on Earth to protect her, at some point you'll need to return to Hell, or risk another uprising. All I have to do is wait for the perfect moment. But don't worry. We might be brothers, but unlike you... I'm not a monster," he smirks. "I promise to make it quick and painless." 

 

With a roar of anger, Lucifer once again lunges for his brother, with no intention of stopping this time. Only, instead of colliding with Michael's solid form, he stumbles forward; his arms swiping through nothing but empty space. His anger from seconds ago is instantly replaced by paralyzing fear. 

 

Michael is gone. 

 

 

***

 

Chloe glances in the rear view mirror as she pulls away from her daughter's school and into the traffic. "How was your day, Monkey?" 

 

"It was really good! We got to play dodgeball at recess today, and there was this one boy who kept throwing the ball really hard at all the girls. He couldn't get me though 'cause I'm too fast! So the first chance I got to throw a ball, I nailed him! He cried," Trixie says proudly with a huge smile on her face. 

 

Chloe starts to laugh, but quickly covers it up with a small cough. "Trix," she says with as much seriousness as she can muster. "What that boy was doing was not ok. And I'm glad you wanted to help your friends, but next time maybe ask one of your teachers for help instead of making another student cry, yeah? It's never ok to hurt someone just because they've hurt us or someone we care about."

 

"Ok, Mommy," Trixie sighs, her face no longer lit with a brilliant smile. 

 

"Mommy's not mad babe," Chloe says, checking her mirrors before making a left turn. "I just wanted to remind you that there's a right way and a wrong way to get justice. And hurting someone else is never the right way, ok?"

 

"Ok. I promise I'll find a teacher next time."

 

"That's my girl," Chloe smiles over her shoulder at her daughter as she pulls into their driveway, bringing the car to a stop. "Now, when we get inside I need you to go into your room and pack a bag for your weekend with Daddy, ok? I'm going to have a quick shower and get cleaned up, then I'll drop you off on my way out to dinner with Logan."

 

Trixie's eyes go wide with surprise as they dart up from undoing her seat belt to look at her mother. "You're not going on a date are you?" she asks anxiously. 

 

Chloe sighs, her heart clenching painfully at her daughter's worried expression. "No Monkey, it's not a date. We closed a really tough case this week so we're just going out to celebrate, that's all."

 

Trixie visibly relaxes, her gaze dropping back down to the buckle of her seat belt. But instead of pressing the button to release the clip, she simply fiddles with it, seemingly lost in thought for a moment. 

 

"I… miss Lucifer," she says finally, her voice small and hesitant, like she's afraid of how her mother might react. 

 

"I know," Chloe chokes out in response, reaching to wipe a tear from her daughter's cheek. "So do I."

 

***

 

Two hours later, Chloe walks through the front doors of the restaurant where she and Logan had agreed to meet for dinner. Despite its grand exterior, the inside is fairly small and dimly lit with only a handful of tables. It's not at all what she had been expecting when Logan said they should go out and celebrate. _This…_ this is far too quiet and intimate. A place she would have liked to have gone with Lucifer-- _before_ . When things had been different _._

 

Ignoring the painful stab that always accompanies thoughts of her former partner, she quickly scans the room to see if Logan has already arrived. 

 

"Table for one, Ma'am?" comes a voice from beside her, startling her slightly. 

 

"Oh um, no. Thank you," she says, only just noticing the maître d'. "I'm supposed to be meeting someone here, but he must be running late." 

 

It's then that she feels a warm hand on the small of her back; the sensation instantly catapulting her to the memory of Lucifer gently guiding her through the doorway of a crime scene. She jerks away from the contact in surprise, turning around to find Logan who appears to have just arrived.   

 

"Sorry I'm a bit late," he says with a smile. "I had trouble finding a place to park. I hope you haven't been waiting long."

 

"No, I… I've only been here a few minutes," she says, offering him a forced smile in return; desperately trying to force memories of Lucifer back into the locked box within her mind.

 

"Shall we?" Logan says, indicating that they should follow the maitre'd to their table.

 

"Yeah of course," Chloe replies, quickly skirting around Logan in an effort to avoid his touch should he think to try again. Looking around at the other patrons on the way to their table-- mostly other couples, Chloe can't help but wish that she had faked a headache and stayed home. 

 

"Here we are!" The maitre'd says cheerfully as he comes to a stop before a small table. After leaning over to quickly light the candle that sits at the table's center, he turns to Chloe. "May I take your coat?" 

 

"Yes, thank you," she replies, shrugging out of her jacket. Truthfully, she would rather keep it with her in case she wishes to make a quick exit. But she doesn't want to seem impolite.  

 

Taking her coat and laying it over his arm, the man then pulls out a chair and Chloe sits, nodding her thanks. 

 

Logan removes his jacket as well, choosing to drape it over the back of his chair instead of giving to it the maitre'd. If only she had done the same. Once seated, it only takes a few moments for a server to approach their table. 

 

"Hello, I'm Maggie," says the petite young woman. "I'll be your server for this evening. Our special tonight is prime rib with fresh herb sauce served with your choice of baked potato or jasmine rice, and seasonal grilled vegetables. Can I start you off with something to drink?"

 

"I'll have your house white," Chloe says right away. She's hoping the wine will help her shake off the persistent tension in her chest that has been lingering ever since Trixie said Lucifer's name.

 

"And I'll take a beer," Logan says. "Any kind will do. Thank You, Maggie," he beams at the server before she turns to go and fetch the drinks. And as Logan opens the menu, eagerly bouncing in his seat, Chloe fears one glass of wine won't nearly be enough to get her through this dinner.

 

*** 

 

Chloe is almost finished a second glass of wine by the time their food arrives, and mostly just pushes the meal around on her plate; only taking a few bites here and there. Logan doesn't seem to notice. Instead he grins widely at her from the other side of the table as he holds his beer raised between them. "Here's to another case solved!"

 

She manages to give him a small smile, but doesn't take up her glass to clink against his. She knows she's being a bit rude, but she can't shake the dark cloud she's been under since picking Trixie up from school. 

 

For the past year, ever since Lucifer left, she's had random moments where her entire body tingles with awareness. Not unlike the feeling she gets when she suspects she's being watched. Each time it happens, she makes a point of scanning her surroundings. But each time, there's never been anyone or any _thing_ there. Not that she's seen anyway. The sensation has always left her feeling a bit agitated; like something isn't quite right. Like something is _missing_.

 

That feeling, combined with having to comfort her daughter this afternoon, has left Chloe feeling scattered. Her thoughts have been a swirling mess of white feathers and brooding dark eyes all evening. 

 

She vaguely recognizes that Logan is talking, but can’t seem to pull herself to focus on what he’s saying. And as she stares unseeing at an unidentified point behind him, his words simply float around her like meaningless drivel. 

 

Logan must notice at some point that her attention is divided, and snaps his fingers in front of her face, pulling her back to the present. "Chloe! Hello?" he laughs.

 

"Sorry, what were you saying?" she asks, her brows crease as she struggles to keep her mind focused.

 

She's taken aback when he boldly reaches across the table to grasp her hand. "I was saying," he smiles, his cheeks flushing, "that it would be nice to spend more time together outside of work. Maybe see a movie or…" he trails off; his expression one of eager anticipation. 

 

"Look, Logan… I'm really flattered, I am," she says, noticing that the palm of his hand feels too rough and a bit clammy against her own. Nothing like the smooth warmth of Lucifer's hands. "You're a great partner, and a really nice guy," she continues, "but I'm really not looking for any kind of--"

 

Before she can finish letting Logan down gently, Chloe is startled by the sudden looming presence of a tall figure beside the table. She quickly pulls her hand out from under Logan's the second his fingers go slack, presumably startled by the figure just as much as she. Grateful for the interruption, she turns to look up at whoever it is. The instant she sets eyes on the man beside her, all the air that once occupied her lungs is gone, and the little that remains gets stuck in her throat as she barely manages to choke out his name. " _Lucifer."_

 

"Hello Darling," he says softly, tentatively reaching out his hand toward her face. 

 

She doesn't miss the hurt in his eyes when she quickly pulls away and out of his reach before he can touch her. She says nothing, but simply stares up at the dark eyes that have haunted her dreams every night since he left. Her heart hammers within the confines of her chest, and she has yet to take in enough oxygen to quell the feeling of drowning despite being nowhere near any significant amount of water. He's here, right in front of her, and she doesn't know if she should laugh or cry, or both. 

 

" _What are you… why… why are you here_?" she finally manages to ask; her voice no more than a strangled whisper. 

 

"I need to speak with you," Lucifer replies, glancing briefly at Logan with mild disdain. "Privately."

 

"Wait… did you say Lucifer?" Logan exclaims, his wide eyes fixed on Chloe. "As in _Lucifer,_ Lucifer?"

 

Lucifer sighs in obvious frustration at having to officially acknowledge Logan's presence. "And you are…?"

 

"Oh man, I've heard so much about you!" Logan stands, excitedly thrusting his hand out towards Lucifer. "It's so cool to finally meet Chloe's old partner. I'm--" 

 

"My boyfriend," Chloe blurts out, cutting him off. "Logan is my boyfriend."

 

She's not entirely sure what makes her say it. And the look of surprise on both men's faces would be almost comical if she weren't in disbelief herself at the lie she's just told. 

And despite the fact that Chloe, Logan and Lucifer suddenly find themselves in a most uncomfortable silence, the constant buzz of conversation from throughout the restaurant continues on around them as if nothing has changed.

 

It’s Lucifer who finally speaks first, his gaze cast down to the floor. "I see," he says, his clenched jaw betraying his displeasure. "You certainly don't waste any time, do you?" His dark eyes snap up to look at her.

 

"Are you kidding me?!" Chloe hisses, standing abruptly to meet his steely gaze with one of her own. Her heart once again begins to hammer within her chest, but this time it’s in anger. "You left _me_ … remember…?" 

 

Lucifer opens his mouth as if to say something, but no words come out. 

 

“What?" Chloe says at his silence. "Did you expect me to just sit around and wait for you? That the _please forgive me_ note you left behind somehow made disappearing on me in the middle of the night ok? I haven't seen or heard from you in over a year, and you think you can just walk back into my life like nothing ever happened?"

 

She's inches away from him, having slowly moved closer and closer during her tirade. Every breath is agonizing as she takes in his familiar scent, desperately trying to resist the warmth that emanates from his body. She's dreamt of the moment he might return a hundred times; always imagining herself launching into his arms with great relief. But this… finally seeing him, is nothing like she imagined. Instead of relief, she feels confused and angry. She just wants to go home.  

 

Grabbing her purse, she lets out a shaky sigh and turns to address Logan who has remained silent during their exchange. "Could you please take me home? I'm ready to leave," she says, struggling to maintain her composure. 

 

"Y-yes, o-of course," Logan says, rising from his chair. But he's quickly forced to sit back down by Lucifer's hand on his shoulder. 

 

"I really do think it's best if he remains seated," Lucifer finally speaks, his eyes fixed on Chloe. "Because there's no way on Dad’s green Earth I can allow you walk out of here with anyone else but me."

 

Enraged by what she perceives in an attempt to control her, Chloe clenches her fists by her side. "Go to Hell," she says softly, before brushing past him on her way to the exit.

 

Not even willing to waste time asking for her jacket, she slips past the maitre'd and manages to make it out the door and halfway down the sidewalk before she hears Lucifer call out from behind her. 

 

"Detec… Chloe! Wait!" 

 

Willing herself to ignore the magnetic pull of his voice, she increases her pace, acting as if she can't hear him. If she can just put enough distance between them, maybe she'll have enough time to hail a cab before he catches up to her. Walking as fast as she can without actually breaking into a jog, Chloe passes a small alleyway and is about to lose Lucifer around the next corner when a strong arm wraps around her waist, lifting her off the ground. 

 

Before she can even register what's happening, she finds her back pressed up against a cold brick wall partway down the dark alley she’d passed only moments ago. Lucifer's broad chest and muscular thighs hold her in place, his hands planted firmly on the wall behind her; one on either side of her face.

 

"Please just… leave me alone," she begs, her chin tucked tightly against her chest to avoid his eyes. 

 

"I _can't,"_ Lucifer replies, his voice thick with emotion as he gently rests his forehead against hers. 

 

For a moment she's taken back to _before_ . When things weren't complicated. When Lucifer was just Lucifer. When they were _them_. Partners. Best friends. 

 

But everything is different now. Her life. Her job. Her.

 

"I have to go. Logan is probably worried and Trixie is expecting me home to read her a bedtime story." She tries to duck under Lucifer's arms. But he cages her in even tighter. She has yet to lift her gaze to meet his.

 

"I already told you, I can't," he replies simply. 

 

Knowing there's only one thing she can do to make him release her, Chloe closes her eyes and takes one last deep breath of his cologne. She wants to stay here pressed up against him forever, but she can't let him break her heart again. She won't come back from it a second time. 

 

 _"Lucifer_." She can hardly bring herself to say his name, aware that what she's about to do isn't fair. 

 

"Yes?" His lips hover mere inches from hers. 

 

"I… I desire you to…" she swallows.

 

"What is it you desire?" His voice is smooth and sultry, his breath warm against her chilled skin.

 

"For you to let me go." 

 

With a sharp intake of breath, he immediately frees her; stepping back and away as if he's been burned. With a lump in her throat and tears threatening to spill over, she hastily steps away from the wall and makes her way back to the sidewalk, lifting her arm to hail a cab. She can't tell if Lucifer follows her or not, and she doesn't dare turn around to look. 

 

As a cab pulls up beside her, she hears the familiar click of a lighter; followed moments later by the faint smell of cigarette smoke. 

 

"Will you not even look at me to say goodbye?" Lucifer whispers from a few feet behind her, his voice full of hurt.

 

"At least you get a goodbye," she says, opening the door of the cab; still refusing to turn around. "It's more than you ever gave me."

 

Sliding into the back seat, she closes the door, finally allowing herself to fall apart as the driver pulls into traffic. 

 

She spends the entire ride home trying desperately to convince herself that she hasn't just made the biggest mistake of her life. 


End file.
